December 18, 2009

A Government Employee

A government employee sat in his office, and out of boredom, decided to see what was inside his old filing cabinet. He poked through the contents and came across an old brass lamp. "This will look good on my mantel," he said, and took it home with him.

While polishing the lamp, a genie appeared and, as usual, granted him three wishes. "I would like an ice-cold Coke right now." He gets his Coke and drinks it.

Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island with beautiful women, who find me irresistible. " Suddenly, he's on an island with gorgeous women. eyeing him lustfully.

He tells the genie his third and last wish. "I wish I'd never have to work again." Instantly, he was back in his government office.

Stolen from: Phil of Phils Phun

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December 17, 2009

This Week in Entrecard

This is a great big thank you
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Mother Superior

Mother Superior was on her way to late morning prayers, when she passed two novices just leaving early morning prayers, on their way to classes. As she passed the young ladies, Mother Superior said, ‘Good morning sisters.’

The novices replied, ‘Good morning, Mother Superior, may God be with you.’ But after they had passed, Mother Superior heard one say to the other, ‘I think she got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning.’

This startled Mother Superior, but she chose not to pursue the issue. A little further down the hall, Mother Superior passed two of the Sisters who had been
teaching at the convent for several years. She greeted them with, ‘Good morning Sister Martha, Sister Jessica, may God give you wisdom for our students today.’

‘Good morning, Mother Superior. Thank you, and may God be with you.’ But again, after passing, Mother Superior overheard, ‘She got out of the wrong side of bed today.’ Baffled, she started to wonder if she had spoken harshly, or with an irritated look on her face. She vowed to be more pleasant.

Looking down the hall, Mother Superior saw retired Sister Mary approaching, step by step, with her walker. Mother Superior had plenty of time to arrange a pleasant smile on her face, before greeting Sister Mary.

‘Good morning, Sister Mary. I’m so happy to see you up and about. I pray God watches over you today, and grants you a wonderful day.’

‘Ah, Good morning, Mother Superior and thank you. I see you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.’

Mother Superior was floored! ‘Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? I have tried to be pleasant, but three times already today, people have said that about me.’

Sister Mary stopped her walker, and looked Mother Superior in the face. ‘Oh, don’t take it personal, Mother Superior. It’s just that you’re wearing Father Murphy’s slippers!

Stolen from: Phil of Phils Phun
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December 16, 2009

The Striptease

video

Hat tip: My sister ♥Debbie♥
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December 15, 2009

Little Johnny

It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her grades. There is really nothing to do. All the kids are restless because there is nothing to do and it is near the end of the day.

The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question".

The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln". The teacher said, "That's right Susie. You can go". Johnny was MAD because Susie answered first.

The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King". The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go". Johnny was even MADDER than before because Mary answered first.

The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John Kennedy". The teacher said, "That's right Nancy. You can go". Johnny was BOILING MAD because Nancy answered first.

Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut".

The teacher asked, "Who said that?"

Johnny said, "Tiger Woods! Can I go now?"

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December 14, 2009

Awww...Mondays #43

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