Comedy Plus

July 10, 2009

The Last Nickel

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back.

The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?

'No,' the woman replied. I'm with the I.R.S.'

Hat tip: Joanne of Another Day in Paradise

July 9, 2009

Six Cool Awards

On July 2nd PinkLady of Sheepish Thoughts gave me the Best Blog Award and the Lovely Blog Award. Thank you so very much PinkLady.

The rules for The Best Blog and A Lovely Blog Awards are:

To accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award and his/her blog link.
Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve discovered and think are great! Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

Here's PinkLady's picks:

Sandee of Comedy Plus
Mike of Rambling Stuff
Janet of Dolly's Daily Diary
Marzie of Mariuca's Perfume Gallery
Lady Java of Lady Java Life's Pages
Bingkee of I Love/Hate America
Dorothy of Womensselfesteem.com's Blog
Maitri of Maitri's Notes, Quotes & Flashing Thoughts...
UNIVISIONS
Angelika of Angelika
Blogger Rise
Harriet of I am Harriet
Tammi of Funnel Full of Soup
Kerrilee of Lazy Bear Blogs
Margie and Edna of Margie and Edna's Basement

On July 3rd Mary of Starlight Blog gave me the Neno Award. Thank you very much for this awesome award Mary.

The Neno Award is given to "those who love blogging and love to encourage friendships through blogging, and to help others seek the reasons why we all love blogging."

The rules:

Upload the image in your post
Mention the person that gives you the award with their blog link
Nominate your 5 blogs of choice with blog name and link
Leave comment on the recipients' posts to let them know.

Here's Mary's picks:

Coco of Art By Coco, who does incredible stained glass and decorative folk painting. She's also a team player who's always looking to support other artists.

Ivanhoe of From Ohio with Love. Her blog is warm and homey. The kind of place you just want spend time in.

Jaime Lyerly, of Art Making is a Journey. She's a talented artist who is incredibly active and has opened her arms to embrace the whole world.

Jennifer of Vanbeads, who is a wonderful jewelry designer and glass worker. I had the pleasure of meeting her at a local craft fair and she is every bit as personable and welcoming as her blog.

Sandee of Comedy Plus, who really does have a blog that's full of Comedy Plus. Her wit and storytelling is only surpassed by her warmth. If you need a smile, go visit her blog.

On July 6th Mommanator of Grannies Ramblings gave me the A Lovely Blog Award. Thank you Mommanator.

Here are the rules:

copy and paste the rules and pic with a link to the person who sent it to you
post a link to another blog you have recently discovered
leave a note for those you have recommended to receive the award
leave instructions for them.

Here's Mommanator's picks:

Chickens Scratch
Rambling Woods
Sandy's Main Blog
Shoebee's Happenings
Comedy Plus

On July 7th Kerrilee of Lazy Bear Blogs gave me the Best Blog Award and the Lovely Blog Award. Thank you so very much for thinking of me.

The rules:

To accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award and his/her blog link.
Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve discovered and think are great! Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

Here's Kerrilee's picks:

We live to tell God’s amazing Grace - I love a site that is boldly prepared to share the love of our Lord and Saviour

Masonmania.com - This song is a classic, you have to listen :-)

Betterspines.com - I love chiropractic, I wouldn’t be able to use my shoulder if it wasn’t for chiro

MovieMike - Who doesn’t love a good review of a movie, these reviews are well written and a must if you are looking for something to watch

John Hobbs health and fitness - I love sound information about health and these articles are well written and factual

Virtual Studio Technology - I’ll be honest I’ve got no idea about this stuff but this is my way of saying thank you for being a faithful Dropper :-)

Comedy Plus - If you have a sense of humor like mine you’ll enjoy this site

After Cancer, now what - What a powerful site, great communication for those afflicted by this disease

Guide to life for women - you need to read the article on sorting your pantry, how organised, that is what I need in my life - Question though - how do you get the kids to keep it that way?

Beaded Tails - How precious is this site

A Second Cup - It is just as the name implies, a good site to sit and read while indulging in that second cup

Cromely’s World - it’s good to see someone getting out there and getting their thoughts down on paper so to speak

Word Journey - Profound words straight from the heart of the Father

Look Around - this recipe sounds yummy, this site helps to get a bit of culture in our lives

Anything Goes with Pahn - I love this article, it’s pretty true, but I’m happily married so I don’t need to keep looking :-)

Again thank you all for all these wonderful awards. I'm not going to tag anyone, but if you want any or all of these great awards help yourself.

The Food Chain

In the dead of summer, a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. It was a hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular: "Gosh, if I go down three inches, I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed."

There was a fish in the water, thinking, "Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him."

There was a bear on the shore, thinking, "Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches, that fish will jump for the fly and I will eat him."

It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich. "Gosh," he thought, "if that fly goes down three inches, and that fish leaps for it, that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish, at which point I'll shoot the bear and then have a proper trophy."

You think this is enough activity for one bank of one lake? There is more.

A wee mouse down by the hunter's foot was thinking, "Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches and that fish jumps for that fly, and that bear grabs for that fish, the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich."

A cat luking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, as was fashionable to do on the bank of this particular lake around lunch time, "Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches and that fish jumps for that fly and that bear grabs for that fish and that hunter shoots that bear, and the mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich then I can have mouse for lunch."

The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water.

The fish swallows the fly.

The bear grabs the fish.

The hunter shoots the bear.

The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich.

The cat jumps for the mouse.

The mouse ducks, and

The cat falls into the water and drowns.

The moral of this story is:

Whenever a fly goes down three inches, some pussy is probably in danger.

Stolen from: Hale McKay of It Occurred To Me

July 8, 2009

Happy 18th Birthday Sarah

Yesterday was a fun filled day for me, hubby, my son and both my granddaughters. Last month my oldest granddaughter Sarah graduated from high school. I shared that milestone with all of you. Yesterday was another milestone for Sarah as she turned 18 years old.

When she was 15 and getting ready for her learners permit hubby and I talked with our son about buying her a new car when she graduated from high school. We agreed that along with the graduation she had to be good and also get good grades. Graduation wasn't enough, Sarah agreed to those terms and she graduated from high school with a 3.83 GPA. Works for all of us. She did her part and now it was time for us to step up to the plate and do ours.

She had already picked out the kind of car she wanted, a Honda Civic LS Sport. She wanted it in black or white. She ended up with a dark gray. The other thing that she had to do was wait until her 18th birthday. She mentioned at lunch (after taking possession of her car) that the last month has taken a few years to pass. We have spent the last month securing the car she wanted, getting all the paperwork done (except for DMV) and the insurance done and ready for signature. Her signature.

Here's a slide show with just a few pictures of what she went through yesterday. The first picture of her and her father, if you look very close you will see her toddler picture between them. Grandpa and grandma are very proud of you Sarah.

We have one more granddaughter and the rules are going to be the same. I hope she gets a new car too.

July 7, 2009

Punishment

A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having an intimate encounter with a beautiful young woman.

"What a ripoff," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."

Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"